


Healing Touch

by FutureLadyDoc



Category: I Frankenstein (2014)
Genre: Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Medical Experimentation, Mildly Dubious Consent, Past Abuse, Touch-Starved, healing touch
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-30
Updated: 2017-10-29
Packaged: 2018-02-27 10:07:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2688845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FutureLadyDoc/pseuds/FutureLadyDoc
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He’d flinched when she touched him. Terra didn’t think much of it at the time, too busy with trying to wrap her head around the unbelievable story Adam had told her while while she sutured his shoulder. But later, after the final battle, when she had finally returned to her apartment and collapsed, the images of the past few days swirled through her unconscious brain. When she woke it was with the fading feeling of his muscles twitching under her touch, and his body turning away from her. Terra thought about it over the next few days, trying to think back and remember if he reacted that way to everyone, or if it was just her. The results of this introspection were disturbing. Terra realized that apart from that one instance, no one had touched Adam in her presence except with the intention to harm, and given the circumstances, she didn’t think it likely that it happened any other time. Terra found this unbearably painful.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm totally blocked. Hoping some reviews will help me get started again! This is the second fanfic I've tried to write (other one also unfinished and unpublished) and after years of reading, I'm hoping to get serious about contributing! Thank you in advance for your constructive criticism (or emotional reactions!). Any suggestions for tags are also gratefully accepted!

He’d flinched when she touched him. Terra didn’t think much of it at the time, too busy with trying to wrap her head around the unbelievable story Adam had told her while while she sutured his shoulder. But later, after the final battle, when she had finally returned to her apartment and collapsed, the images of the past few days swirled through her unconscious brain. When she woke it was with the fading feeling of his muscles twitching under her touch, and his body turning away from her. Terra thought about it over the next few days, trying to think back and remember if he reacted that way to everyone, or if it was just her. The results of this introspection were disturbing. Terra realized that apart from that one instance, no one had touched Adam in her presence except with the intention to harm, and given the circumstances, she didn’t think it likely that it happened any other time. 

By the time Adam showed up on her doorstep a week after the battle, she had already spent hours researching the benefits of touch, and the very negative consequences observed in human beings forced to go without. The knock on her door was surprisingly light for such a strong man, almost tentative. When Terra opened the door and found herself face to face with Adam’s scarred visage, she gazed at him with new eyes. He seemed unable to look her in the eye, merely glancing at her face before his eyes flicked elsewhere. He shifted his weight from foot to foot, and his center of balance caused him to lean away from her. He looked dirty and tired, and Terra felt a scorching rush of shame as she realized she hadn’t thought to wonder if he had someplace safe to stay, or even food to eat. He spoke hesitantly, haltingly explaining that he wanted to make sure she was safe. He apologized for showing up unannounced, and seemed to be counting the seconds until he could leave. As he turned to go, Terra reached out and laid a hand on his wrist, stopping him in his tracks. At even that gentle touch, Adam flinched violently and froze. He said nothing, but his head whipped around and he stared with bewilderment first at her hand on his skin, then at her face. “Please stay,” Terra asked softly. “I just cooked dinner. Are you hungry?” Adam hesitated, before nodding once. 

Terra stepped back, lightly tugging him in after her and shutting the door behind them. “Dining rooms through here,” she said, finally releasing him and heading down the hall. She heard him pause before uncertainly shuffling after her. Her heart broke as she remembered how strong and confident Adam had been before, even outnumbered and surrounded by enemies. The only time she had ever seen him falter was in the abandoned apartment, alone with her. She walked swiftly into the kitchen, pulling out dishes and setting another place while keeping up a steady stream of inane chatter, trying not to make him any more uncomfortable then he already was. 

Adam allowed himself to be seated at the table across from Terra, and watched her uncertainly as she bustled about the kitchen. He sat still and silent as she served them both, and watched her carefully as she picked up her fork and brought the first bite of spaghetti to her mouth. Only after she had chewed and swallowed with no ill effects did he reach for his own fork. However, once he had tasted the food, he seemed to forget she was even there as he shoveled bite after bite into his mouth, barely taking the time to swallow. Terra lost her appetite at his obvious hunger, and subtly pushed her plate closer to him. Quickly realizing that the meal she had prepared for herself wasn’t going to be enough, she rose and quietly set about pulling out all her leftovers and heating them in the microwave. 

Adam didn’t seem to notice much beyond the appearance of food on the table, and by the time he had eaten enough to pay attention to his surroundings he had devoured almost the entire contents of her fridge. He came to himself and glanced at her sheepishly, shame flaring in his eyes as he took in the empty plates and bowls strewn across the tabletop. She smiled reassuringly at him, and offered the carton of orange juice. He took it from her hesitantly, and it was not lost on her that he was careful not to allow his skin to brush hers. He drained the carton, and then sat back uneasily. Before he could excuse himself, Terra offered him the use of her shower, and ushered him into her bathroom before he knew what was happening. She heard the water stare as she rooted through her closet, and smiled in triumph. The feeling was short lived as the water shut off barely five minutes later. There were several minutes of silence, and Terra pictured Adam staring dumbfoundedly at the old pair of sweatpants she had left on the counter. Left behind by an ex-boyfriend, they were doubtless a little too small but all she had available. 

Eventually the door opened and Adam emerged, wearing the sweatpants and his shirts. “I’ll wash your clothes if you want,” Terra offered, trying to keep her voice casual. Adam considered her for a moment, before nodding and hesitatingly pulling off his shirt. She smiled brightly as he handed the bundle too her, ignoring the way Adam instinctually pulled in on himself and drew his arms across his chest to hide it. She put the clothes in the washer and then braced herself on the edge of it, pulling herself together. 

The psychological ramifications of her experiments had never been a concern for her. She had always assumed that when the time for human trials came, they would find some way to make the process bearable. She had never actually considered in detail what the consequences of the process might be, or what other factors could combine to cause harm to the subjects. “Victims,” she thought, picturing Adam in place of the faceless bodies in her machine. She doubted that he had volunteered for the process, and it was clear from even the little of Frankenstein’s journal she had been able to read the he had considered Adam as less than an animal, uncaring if his experiments caused Adam pain beyond what was scientifically relevant. She felt bile rise in her throat as she pictured the scars covering Adam’s torso, and imagined him writhing in agony as he was sewn together without the benefit of analgesics. Sucking in a deep breath, Terra smoothed her hair and tried to ensure she didn’t look like she had been upset. 

When she entered the living room, she saw that Adam had sat on the edge of couch, back ramrod straight and a look of unease on his face. He had draped the towel to cover as much as he could. Terra met his eyes and gestured with the first aid kit in her hand. “I thought I might check on your shoulder, if that’s alright?” she asked calmly. Adam blinked at her before nodding and slowly turning his back to her. Unease radiated throughout his frame, and his muscles twitched and jerked spasmodically as Terra sat behind him and spread the contents of the kit on the coffee table. Finally she turned to him and got her first look at the injury. “Oh!” she exclaimed softly. “It’s almost entirely healed!” Adam hunched his back uncomfortably. “I’ve always healed fast,” he murmured in an undertone. Terra stretched her hand out and hovered above the gash, before gently lowering it to his skin. Adam jerked as if she’d slapped him, wrapping his arms around himself even tighter and curling farther into himself. Terra softly traced the puckered edges of the wound, already closed and well on its way to scarring. Adam trembled beneath her hand, an air of incredulous disbelief emanating from him. Terra flattened her hand and gently stroked his shoulder, avoiding the tender cut. She then stood and came around to sit in front of him, capturing one of his hands in both of hers and coaxing Adam to look her in the eye. 

“I never thanked you for what you did,” she stated quietly. “You saved my life. You saved all our lives.” Adam blinked, watching her as if she was the strangest thing he’d ever seen. “You don’t have to thank me,” he said finally, tugging fruitlessly at his hand. “Yes I do,” Terra insisted, refusing to release him. “We owe you our lives, and even more than that...” she stopped and looked down. “You stopped me from committing horrific crimes.” Unbidden she felt tears well up in her eyes. “I was always so hellbent on proving that I could that I never stopped to think whether I should. I convinced myself it was for the greater good when really I just wanted to prove that I could do it.” Terra was startled when she felt Adam’s hand gently squeeze hers. “You did the right thing when it counted,” he said gruffly, clearly uncomfortable with her blatant display of emotion. “If it wasn’t for you, I’d be dead. Or worse.” Terra looked up at him and tried to smile through her tears. Catching sight of his face she burst into shaky laughter, using one hand to wipe away the tears while the other held tightly to Adam’s. “It’s nothing,” she giggled. “You just look like you’d rather be back in that lab with Wessex.” Adam shrugged, still holding onto her hand. “I’m not used to people talking to me, much less...” he trailed off. Terra nodded her understanding. 

Just then the washer beeped, signaling the end of its cycle. Adam jerked, automatically swiveling to put himself between her and the threat. Terra blinked back fresh tears as she was presented with his back, and leaned forward to put her hand on his shoulder. “It’s alright,” she reassured him, “Just the washer. I’ll go put your clothes in the dryer now.” She squeezed his shoulder once as she passed, registering once again the now expected flinch. Quickly switching the laundry, she returned to find that Adam had leant back against the couch, although the towel was still firmly in place. Smiling brightly at him as she passed, she scooped up the remote before sitting down next to him, careful to leave space between them but allowing their arms to brush. She flicked on the TV as Adam gazed at her in consternation. Quickly finding a Humphrey Bogart marathon, she settled back, purposefully focusing on the TV.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for everybody who has left kudos and reviews. I have not forgotten about this story! I'm tentatively aiming for a three chapter fic. I'm still working on it, but I thought I'd post this as a preview. Hope you enjoy!

They watched two and a half films, including Terra’s favorite The Big Sleep. However, she paid almost no attention to any of them, her focus entirely on the man beside her. Within a few moments, Adam had shifted away from her enough that their bodies were no longer in contact. He cautiously watched her from the corner of his eye for the rest of the evening, and Terra was careful not to invade his space or make him more uncomfortable. 

Eventually, the marathon ended and was replaced with bland infomercials. Terra muted the volume but otherwise did nothing, content to simply sit. Adam seemed nonplussed, and swiftly rose to his feet, already hurrying through an obviously planned out farewell speech. Terra cut him off and reached for him before he could leave. 

“Please stay,” she asked, grabbing his hand. Both of them were startled by the faintly desperate tone of her plea, but she recovered quickly and pushed on. “I have an extra bedroom. It would be no trouble, and I would be thrilled if you would stay here.” 

Adam looked at her incredulously, then frowned and lowered his gaze to study their joined hands. 

“I don’t want to put you in danger,” he mumbled. “What remain of Wessex’s men will be searching for me.” 

“They have equal motivation to come after me as well,” Terra countered. “I’m probably safer with you, in fact.” Adam frowned again. 

“Alright,” he finally grumbled. Terra smiled brilliantly. “Great! Guest rooms this way.” 

Adam followed hesitantly behind her. Terra opened the door and gestured for Adam to precede her. 

“Beds there, uh, obviously, extra blankets and pillows in that closet, bathrooms through that door.” 

She stood in the doorway, absently biting her lower lip. Adam made a slow, cautious, circuit through the room. He inspected everything, pushed the curtains aside and glanced out the window, before opening the bathroom door and switching on the light. Terra studied his silhouette as he paused on the threshold and glanced around the bathroom. In the backlight, Adam’s massive frame seemed somehow shrunken, diminished. His confusion and unease shared the room with them, a palpable presence in the face of the absolute reversal of his previous experience. Terra found she could think of nothing to say. 

A routine developed over the next few weeks. Adam was always gone when Terra woke up, no matter how early, and only returned after dark. He avoided well-lit areas and never stayed in the room with her unless the light was dimmed. Although he relaxed a little over time, he always appeared uncomfortable, never initiated conversation, and often left the room abruptly for no apparent reason. Terra tried her best to make him at home. 

She slept during the day so she would be awake and alert if Adam wanted company during the night, and delayed her dinner until Adam was home to eat it with her. Although he never asked for anything in particular and ate everything that was put before him, Terra made an effort to identify foods and dishes Adam showed a preference for, and made sure that he had as much as he wanted. Adam ate immense amounts of food with every meal, and within two weeks had doubled his previous size. 

Terra suspected that he had an extremely high metabolism, possibly even four times the size of an average man’s, and that this metabolism fed not only Adam’s remarkable regenerative ability but also supported a naturally high muscle mass. She further suspected that Adam ate more than absolutely necessary, in order to have as many reserves as possible in case his next meal was a long time coming.

Conversation was awkward and often stilted. Terra learned very quickly that Adam was as unused to being spoken to as he was to eating well, and would get up and leave if asked too many questions. Terra was similarly disinclined to discuss herself, and was temporarily stumped until she hit upon the idea of reading aloud. Adam had spent the majority of his long life as far from humanity as he could reach, and therefore could read no more than the few words he might need to navigate the small towns he occasionally passed through. He also had only the crudest grasp of history and literature. 

Terra accordingly began reading to him, although it was clear that only his reluctance to offend her kept him from expressing his disdain for humanity and leaving the room. She avoided textbooks and other academic works, and read biographies, event specific accounts, general time period works, fiction, non-fiction, poetry, anything that emphasized the struggles and growth of human beings. 

As she read more and more, Adam’s disdain seemed to morph into interest, and then into some form of empathy. However little, he seemed to recognize some of his own characteristics and struggle in others, and begin to identify with them. Eventually, he appeared to enjoy and even look forward to Terra’s readings.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! Shamefully late. I've been trying to work on this off and on for...years...and suddenly got a burst of inspiration this week. Let me know what you think! I've got another chapter mostly done. I just need to tweak it a little before I throw it up here.

Adam slowly began to adjust to life after Wessex. Although he had stayed in places for much longer periods of time than this, never before had it been in such comfortable surroundings. In the beginning, he had been unable to sleep in the room Terra had given him. It seemed too empty and yet overfilled at the same time, with the furniture pointing too obviously to the location of the room’s occupant. His first night there Adam stayed awake, pressed into the shadow of a corner. The unusually large meal he’d eaten made this difficult, but the unfamiliar and bizarre sounds and scents of his environment made him too wary to believe in the apparent safety of the apartment. 

Over time he began to trust Terra’s offer of hospitality. It had seemed to have shocked her to say it as much as it had him to hear it, but still Adam hadn’t been entirely sure that it wasn’t a trap, that he wouldn’t find himself strapped to a table again. He slipped out before dawn and waited in an alley nearby Terra’s apartment complex until he saw her leave, then returned through the window. Once inside, he searched the apartment thoroughly. 

The majority of the apartment was innocuous, full of things that average human beings valued so highly despite their ultimate worthlessness. From his limited understanding, Terra’s apartment seemed to meet the human standards of decor for someone of her social class. Although simple, the furniture was wellmade, and clearly expensive. Large art prints hung on the walls, most paintings of landscapes. The living room featured floor to ceiling windows looking out into the city, although in deference to his presence Terra had pulled the drapes closed across the lower panes. Shelves of books could be found in the living room, dining room, and even the kitchen. 

Adam found nothing in any of those rooms to concern him. It wasn’t until he pushed open the door to a third bedroom that he saw what he had searched for. This room was obviously Terra’s office. A desk took up almost an entire wall, with multiple computer towers and other electronic devices across half it’s length. A large screen was mounted on the wall above, with a computer monitor centered below. Half of the desk was used as a makeshift lab space, with two microscopes, flasks,and vials arranged around a center workspace. A small fridge sat underneath. To the left was a wall full of more bookshelves, but these books were texts on neurology, anatomy, physiology, biochemistry, many looking particularly well used. There was a locked file cabinet against the opposite wall, with the remaining wall space covered in paper. 

Adam found his hands clenching into fists. The room smelled of books and chemicals, and the images on the wall-diagrams of the human brain, nervous system, strange machines, and copied pages of Frankenstein’s journal-seemed to blur in and out of focus. He heard electricity crackling, the whining of machines pushed to their limit, smelled burning flesh…

With great effort Adam pulled himself from these nightmare images of the past, at the same time striding out of the room and slamming the door shut behind him. He took a moment to breath, listening to be sure Terra hadn’t returned and no one had slipped into the apartment while he was distracted. It had been a long time since he’d had a reaction this severe.

After the events surrounding his arrival into the world, Adam had for a long time been plagued with strange attacks. The sight of a man with dark hair in the style of Frankenstein’s, the smell of a chemist’s shop, or the sound of some machines could temporarily transport Adam into an alternate dimension, where logic and reason deserted him, and he ran from half-glimpsed phantoms in unrelenting terror. Over the centuries, he had learned to identify the causes of these attacks, and to control them. Until the night he’d crashed through the ceiling into the lab, taking the journal from Terra and seeing the mercurial gleam in Wessex’s eyes, it had been years since Adam had completely lost control of himself. However, after jumping through the window and reaching the street, Adam had ran from the building in a panic, stopping only when his legs collapsed blocks away. He had vomited into the street, and then spent ten minutes crammed behind a dumpster before his breathing had slowed and he had been able to stop whimpering.

Adam now found himself facing the closed door of Terra’s bedroom. Rage swirled through him, and he opened the door without caring what Terra would think if she knew he was entering her most private space uninvited. Adam could hear his own screams lingering in his ears, and Terra’s discussion of ‘the Monster’ with her colleague. He swept into Terra’s room, half-sorry that she wasn’t there, wasn’t there to pay for what she’d done…

The scent hit him first. Faint enough that it was clearly a property of the room’s occupant rather than a purposefully disseminated aroma, it was light and clean, with a faint sweetness. Adam suddenly pictured the mausoleum he had spent a few nights in decades ago. The old cemetery had been surrounded by a wrought iron fence, and twined through the bars had been vines with clusters of small, white flowers. At dawn and dusk the smell of those flowers had filled the graveyard, and Adam had fallen asleep to their scent, for the moment at peace. Terra’s room smelt of those white flowers. Underneath the floral fragrance, there was the faint sweat and musk scent of a human female, clean and healthy.

Adam next noticed the colors. The rest of the apartment was done in white, with shades of grey and black as accents. Here in Terra’s room, one wall had been painted a brilliant cornflower blue. A red duvet was thrown messily across the bed. The furniture was a very different style from the rest of the apartment, handcrafted of dark stained wood, and Adam got a sense of age from them that he hadn’t felt when looking at the contemporary furniture in the guest room he had stayed in. Bookshelves lined every available wall, and unlike in the rest of the apartment, were in states of chaos. Books were placed with no regard to size, were stacked in rows two deep, in piles on top of and in front of others, a few hung off the edges of shelves as if the reader had been interrupted and wanted to keep their place. A huge stuffed chair sat in front of a window, covered with small pillows and a few brightly colored blankets. Another stack of books waited nearby on a small end table, along with a tall glass and two shorter mugs.

Opposite the foot of the bed, an old-fashioned wooden vanity and stool were covered with jewelry and makeup dishes. The large mirror was bordered by an array of photographs stuck to the surface. 

The room was different enough to what Adam had so far experienced that he was shaken out of his anger. For some reason, he felt different in this room than he had in the rest of the apartment. 

Stepping forward, he bent to more closely examine the photographs on the mirror. Approximately thirty pictures, but most containing the same group of people. An older man and woman appeared in a number of them, alone or as a couple, but most often with a small blonde girl. Adam thought this might be a younger Terra. The same blonde girl shared several pictures with a boy, laughing with him in all of them. The two appeared in a variety of ages, the most recent showing the young woman, who was definitely Terra, embracing the now grown boy wearing clothes Adam vaguely recognized as military. Terra and the boy were in a number of photographs with a young couple, a blonde woman and a dark haired man. The woman seemed to disappear, with the more recent pictures of the family containing just Terra and the two men.

The pictures bothered Adam. For reasons he couldn’t name, unease filled his chest and pressed against his sternum. He quietly turned and left the room, his rage gone as if it had never existed.

 

Adam returned to Terra’s apartment that night, and every night after that. Eventually, he was able to sleep in the guestroom, although he opted to sleep under the bed to foil any attempts at a midnight attack. Adam made sure he was gone before Terra woke in the morning, although he never strayed far from the apartment. At first he told himself he was simply ensuring the area was safe. A few stray demons looking to revenge their fallen leader aided him in this self-deception. However, after word got around that anyone attempting to kill Terra disappeared within moments of entering her neighborhood, Adam soon found himself with no excuse for why he stayed within the same few blocks. It was dangerous to be there in the daylight, as it was an upscale area with both regular traffic and higher safety standards. Lingering meant being reported to the police as a vagrant, which in this area was taken seriously. 

Adam should have left the city itself a long time ago. Even the poorer areas made him uncomfortable, and although he was less likely to be confronted by the police, he was a target for bored youths or street gangs defending their territory. But Adam stayed, in the city and in the neighborhood, as if chained to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The scent of Terra's perfume is jasmine. It is one of the few floral fragrances I enjoy, but it is one of my favorite perfumes.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now we're finally getting into the content that I was inspired to write when I watched the movie! The existence of this entire fic comes from that scene in the warehouse with Terra. On the whole, the movie isn't the greatest, but Aaron Eckhart really sold Adam as a disconnected and profoundly damaged man who nonetheless tries to do the right thing, and longs for connection with other human beings. I'm a sucker for those kinds of characters, and I absolutely love fics that explore the dynamics of such traumatized individuals learning to connect with people they can trust. I'm fairly well-read in psychology, but I am by no means a professional, so don't try any of this at home!

Life settled into a routine. Adam and Terra continued with their strange version of cohabitation, both relaxing into it while maintaining a certain wariness around each other. Terra found herself talking to fill the silences that often surrounded them, chattering on about this and that. She didn’t expect a response, but every so often gave him the opportunity. Sometimes Adam took it, sometimes he didn’t, but he seemed to enjoy listening to her voice. 

He spent more and more time in the living room with her as well. At the start, he would usually leave the room after an hour or so, coming back once or twice the rest of the evening. He was always gone when Terra woke, but started to come earlier in the evenings. Eventually, they settled into a pattern that worked for them. Terra stayed awake until daybreak, and Adam spent most of his days sleeping in her apartment. After dark, they would wake and have ‘breakfast’ together before he disappeared for a few hours. On his return, they would spend the rest of the time together. 

Terra didn’t know for sure what went on behind the closed door of Adam’s room, but she was aware that it took him weeks before he could sleep on the bed rather than under it, and that his sleep was often broken. She assumed he had nightmares, although she never heard him. After the life he had lived, she was sure he had more than enough horror to disturb his sleep for another two hundred years. Terra didn’t know how to broach the subject, or if Adam would be the slightest bit receptive, so she let it be. He seemed to be doing well on the whole, and some cursory research suggested that if he was able to establish the apartment as a safe place, eventually he would be secure enough to begin processing the trauma. Once that happened, it was reasonable to expect that Adam’s subconscious would begin to allow the outward expression of his inner suffering. Terra was therefore saddened but not surprised when she was woken by muted cries.

Hurrying to Adam’s room, Terra swung the door open. Adam lay curled in the fetal position in the middle of the bed. It looked like he had been trapped in the sheets but fought himself free by the time Terra arrived. Still asleep, he shook with terror, and the soft but pain filled crys continued to spill from his mouth. “Adam!” Terra said loudly. He flinched but otherwise did not respond. Terra thought quickly, running to her room and grabbing a throw pillow. She didn’t dare try and approach Adam before he was cognizant of his surroundings. She had startled him a few times before, and his reactions then made her quite sure that he would instinctively meet her with violence. She threw the pillow at him from the doorway.

It smacked into his upper arm, bounced off his face, and Adam shot upright. By the time it hit the floor he had fallen into a half-crouch by the side of the bed. Wildly, he swung his head from side to side, searching for his tormentors. “Adam,” Terra said softly but firmly. He looked at her, and she watched awareness seep into his eyes. He sank to the bed, bowing his head, hands latching onto the edge of the bed. He fought to keep his breathing even, but failed. Air burst in and out of his chest in shuddering gasps. Terra carefully crossed the room, and deliberately sat down next to him. He twisted partially away from her, but stayed put.

Adam continued to shake. His body twitched, as if one second he wanted to lean towards her, and the next pull away. Terra gave him time, making her breathing audible and slowing it down. Eventually his breaths started to match hers. Adam turned his head and briefly met her eyes. His were full of abject misery, and Terra couldn’t stop herself from laying a hand on his shoulder.

Adam flinched, but then pushed ever slightly back into her hand. She stroked her thumb back and forth. His head dropped lower, and his breathing hitched, as if he wanted to cry but couldn’t. He wasn’t wearing a shirt, and Terra could feel the clammy perspiration that coated him. She flattened both hands on his shoulders. Adam jerked, but stayed. 

His muscles jumped and twitched as she ran her hands over them. “It's ok,” she murmured softly. “Just stay.” Adam gripped the edge of the bed underneath him, wood groaning and knuckles going tight. Terra could barely see anything in the pitch black room, but she could sense the colossal effort it was costing him to keep from fleeing.

She slid her hands slowly along his back. As they met thick bands of ropy scar tissue, she followed each with her fingertips. Adam flinched, unconsciously letting out tiny whimpers and moans of fear. “Easy sweetheart,” Terra whispered. “I won't hurt you.” She lowered her head and pressed a kiss to the back of his neck. 

Adam wrenched half off the bed, and she threw her arms around him before he could fully stand. “Adam, wait, it's ok. It's alright sweetheart.” He remained motionless, caught in a half croutch. “Sit down honey, ok? Can you do that?” Terra turned her head and laid her cheek against his back. “It's ok Adam, just stay.”

Slowly Adam lowered himself back to the bed. “Thats so good baby,” Terra whispered. “You're so good.” That wrung another whine from him, and he turned his head away from her into his shoulder. “Easy,” she breathed. “Easy honey.” She gently tugged at him. “Can you lay down on your stomach?”

For a moment it seemed like he couldn’t hear her, then he clumsily turned and collapsed onto the pillows. He buried his face in his arms as he pulled his legs onto the bed. Terra moved back to give him room, then leaned forward. “Okay baby. I'm going to put my weight on you, ok?”

He ignored her, panting. Terra slowly swung her body over his, then gently lowered herself onto him. He flinched again as he felt her settle against him, and continued to twitch sporadically, full body tremors that shook her. Terra’s legs had naturally fallen along the outside of his, and she lay with her chest pressed to his back. She cradled his head with her arms, resting her cheek against the back of his head so she could speak directly into his ear. “There you go sweetheart, that's so good.”

Terra whispered to him, soothing and reassuring him. Her throat grew sore, her voice scratchy, and finally Adam quieted. He stopped moaning, his body stilled, and eventually she detected a faint relaxation of his muscles. She slid one hand along his arm, twining her fingers into his when she reached them. Adam allowed this, and even turned his head slightly towards her. Terra fell silent, and simply lay with him.

Eventually the room began to brighten. Faint noises of the waking city drifted through the window. Terra floated in a state of drowsy contentment. Adam ran hot, and the heat of his body combined with his deep breaths soothed her. Terra was instantly alert when she felt the twitch of Adam’s hand in hers. Hesitantly, with excessive care, he began to stroke his thumb back and forth along her hand. Terra smiled brilliantly, and felt tears burn in her eyes. She gave his hand a gentle squeeze.

After a while, Adam began to shift underneath her. Terra slid to the side, and he instantly turned onto his back. He didn’t move to stop her from settling against his side, but kept his stare on the ceiling above them. Terra gently ran her hand up and down the center of his chest. Aside from the rise and fall of his breathing his body could have been made of stone.

Terra had never seen him in light this bright. The morning sun shone through the thin curtains on the windows, giving her an unobstructed view of his chest. She could clearly see the thick, y-shaped scar along the entire center of his chest. Doctors used such incisions to open the torso for autopsy, and she assumed Victor Frankenstein had also used the opening when placing new organs. Other scars crisscrossed his ribs and abdomen, evidence of long ago wounds.

When she moved to trace these scars, Adam captured her hand in one of his large ones. He turned his head and looked at her. Terra met his eyes, and read the naked confusion and longing in them. He held her gaze for perhaps a minute, then abruptly turned and rose off the bed. He dressed quickly, throwing on his coat as he crossed the room. Adam climbed out the window onto the fire escape, and disappeared.

 

Terra didn’t see Adam for three days. During this time she alternated between resigned acceptance and anger. She knew she couldn’t have let Adam continue to dream, and everything that followed after had been so organic that she’d been absolutely sure of herself at the time, but now she wondered if she had driven him away forever. Terra filled her time with more research on touch starvation.

Touch starvation, or skin hunger, arose from a lack of positive human contact. Often observed in children in abusive and neglectful situations, lack of touch in early development could cause everything from stunted physical growth to retarded mental development, and even death. In adults, symptoms could manifest as irritability, anxiety, and insomnia. Long periods of deprivation fostered an aversion to even casual touching, and when coupled with abuse or trauma had an extremely destructive effect on the psyche. Terra’s investigation even led her to Youtube, where she saw a video of an abused puppy that screamed in terror when a rescuer attempted to pet it.

The good news was that treatment for touch starvation was fairly simple. One of the best non-invasive methods was to adopt an animal. Petting and cuddling a non-human was a good way to alleviate the symptoms without shocking the person with too much interaction. In cases where the person had a severe lack of trust or a high aversion, such as in abuse cases, the level of touch was built up slowly over time, with the subject in complete control at all times. Children in foster homes were a common example, at first allowing foster parents only to assist them in dressing, grooming, etc. before putting distance between them. Eventually, as the child developed trust in the adults, they allowed more and more touch, often seeming to move to the other extreme and becoming very needy, or ‘clingy.’ If given a few years in a safe, loving environment, they would bloom.

In some ways, Terra had broken these guidelines. The escalation from holding Adam’s hand to pressing their bodies together had been very quick, and she had encouraged Adam against following his instinct and leaving. However, she suspected that a slower approach would have only spooked him, and that the incident had acted as a form of exposure therapy, rapidly breaking through his barriers and accustoming him to the sensation. The pressure of her weight on his body had released endorphins, helping to calm his body and nudge him away from his fight or flight state. The Youtube video had shown a similar effect on the puppy when it was forced to endure the petting, and later was held in the arms of the rescuer. Although Terra disliked comparing Adam to an animal in anyway, the level of distress and the process of adjustment for both had been extremely similar. 

Adam had learned that Terra wouldn’t harm him, or at least he’d been given reason to think so. She just hoped he would come back.

 

Adam returned at nightfall on the third day. He knocked on her door instead of entering through the window as he usually did. Terra’s heart clenched at their return to the first days of their relationship. Although Adam ate with her, and even stayed in the room as she read aloud after dinner, he was tense, edgy, and wouldn’t look at her. When Terra reached the end of the book, he abruptly stood and strode to his room, shutting the door behind him. Terra fought back tears as she put the book away and did the dishes. By the time she was finished, Adam had not come out, and she hadn’t heard any sounds to prove he was even still in the apartment. She prepared for bed in her own room, and even turned the lights out and lay down, but she couldn’t sleep.

After an hour, she finally gave in and got up. She walked softly to Adam’s room, and listened through the closed door. Hearing nothing, she grasped the knob and gently opened the door.

Adam sat on the edge of the bed, shirtless. He was staring at his hands twisted together in his lap, and didn’t lift his head at her entrance. She hesitated before shutting the door behind her and walking to the bed, taking a seat a few inches away from him. Adam continued to stare at his hands. Terra could see that his days away had been violent. Adam’s knuckles were bruised and raw. Several nails were broken, and scrapes covered them. Terra couldn’t tell if they were wounds sustained in battle, or if Adam had vented his pain on an unforgiving surface. Her heart ached.

Silently, she laid her hand on the bed between them, palm up. Several minutes later, Adam softly placed his on top of it.

Terra waited, and after a while curled her hand around his, clasping both with her other hand. She stroked the back of his hand with her thumb, keeping her face downcast to hide the emotion in her eyes. When she had control of herself, she looked at Adam. He sat watching her, uncomfortable yet bent almost imperceptibly towards her. Terra smiled at him, somewhat shakily, and then without releasing his hand moved towards the center of the bed. He turned with her, his brow creasing in confusion. Terra gave his hand a gentle tug, and then with a final smile turned her back to him and lay on her side, pulling his arm over her. 

Adam’s arm twitched, and she sensed his turmoil, torn between moving closer and pulling away. Ultimately he decided to follow her lead. Awkwardly he lay down behind her, leaving inches between their bodies. Terra gave him a minute, then scooted backwards until she was pressed against him. Adam twitched again, but stoically allowed the contact. After a hesitation, he seemed to understand that his lower arm was in the way, and adjust his position to slide it under the pillow, and therefore under Terra’s head. When she only reacted by moving closer against him, he seemed to relax slightly. Terra gently tugged his arm into a comfortable position across her hip, extending up towards her face. He really was huge, she marveled. His arm was so long his elbow was able to rest on the bed, and his wrist nestled between her breasts. If she hadn’t been holding his hand, it could have wrapped around her throat without strain.

Terra focused on keeping her body relaxed and still, breathing deeply. Eventually Adam’s breathing slowed to match hers. Bit by bit, his muscles relaxed. As Terra drifted off, she could have sworn she even felt him pull her closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The youtube video Terra watches is here: 
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xiOf2HZmLfY
> 
> It never fails to make me incredibly angry and intensely sad, but it does have a happy ending! If you are very sensitive to animals in distress, you may want to give it a pass.
> 
> Touch starvation is a real phenomenon. I saw it in my foster siblings before I ever heard of the psychology behind it, and it is a subject that fascinates me. Most of us take for granted the little touches shared between friends and family, but these expressions of acceptance and affection are incredibly important to our mental and physical health. Although often it has roots in a traumatic situation, people who live away from family or close friends can also experience it. It also seems, if not common, at least significantly represented in the asexual community. Many of the forums I've visited recommend owning pets and establishing 'cuddling relationships' with good friends as a way to ameliorate it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here it is: the chapter that guarantees I will never show this story to my mother. I decided to err on the side of caution and tag for dubcon, even though consent is pretty enthusiastic on both sides. This one makes me nervous, as I've only written smut once before, and although I was proud of it at the time I reread it recently and it's got a lot of issues. I may choose to rewrite this chapter in the future, but in the meantime, let me know what you think!

When Terra woke, it was with an instant, complete understanding of her situation. Although alert, no alarm disturbed her body, and her breathing remained steady. Adam was still behind her, now with both arms wrapped around her. She couldn’t immediately tell if he was awake. By the light through the window, she could see that it was early morning. Yawning, she shifted position, which brought a certain sensation smashing into the forefront of her awareness. Adam was hard.

He was also definitely awake, as he tensed drastically when she breathed out a startled breath. Terra could detect micro-tremors in the arms around her, and in the chest pressed against her back. She worked to ensure her body stayed relaxed. “Good morning,” she said calmly, smiling widely to ensure he could hear it in her voice. He hesitated and then replied “Good morning,” in an undertone. The bass of his voice rippled through her body, and she shivered involuntarily. Adam reacted by pulling her closer and then immediately pushing her away, seeming at war with himself. “Adam,” she said quickly, “it's ok. Don’t worry about it.” His breathing had picked up, and his distress was palpable. “Really, I don’t mind. It's ok, I promise.” 

Terra pulled and pushed at him, until he loosened his arms enough that she could turn to face him. He let out a distressed noise, and she burrowed into his chest, tucking her face into his neck. “We’re ok, I promise,” she whispered softly. Adam seemed to calm now that she couldn’t see him, and his hands came to rest on her back. Terra could now feel him pressed against her thigh. ‘Where did Frankenstein get that from,’ she thought almost hysterically, ‘a horse?!’ Not that she minded. She felt a familiar warmth and tingling, along with a twinge from her bladder, the traitor.

Adam seemed to have decided she wasn’t going to scream and leap off the bed. His hands tightened on her back, and his breathing deepened. He leaned forward, and buried his nose in her hair. She felt him swell even larger, and moved to press against him. Adam jolted with a sound like she’d stabbed him, and his fingers dug into her back. He froze, panting, every exhale a whine of need and fear. 

“Adam,” Terra breathed against his neck, working her hand between them. She’d barely touched him when he grabbed her wrist, yanking it away and twisting it painfully. She startled back, looked up to find him staring at her. His pupils were huge, his face pale. The hand holding her’s shook. “Adam,” Terra said softly, trying to project truth and sincerity with every part of her. “I'm not going to do anything you don’t want me to. I promise.” His eyes scanned her face, searching for any traces of deception. His whole body was trembling now, shaking as if he was standing again in the bitter winds of the Arctic. “I promise,” she repeated, reaching for his face. He let her, arm bending to allow her hand to gently cup his cheek. “It's ok,” she whispered. His face twisted away and then into her hand, and he closed his eyes in anguish, his hand sliding up to cover hers. Terra’s throat ached.

She swallowed away the lump, and then whispered to him “turn over,” lowering her hand to his shoulder, pressing against it to encourage him. Adam went readily, putting his back to her, huffing a breath in what could have been relief or fear. Terra curled up against him, pressing her chest against his back and resting her chin on his shoulder. She took his hand in hers, slowly dragging it down his torso. Adam shuddered, his breath coming in great sobs and gasps. Terra guided his hand down until it rested over the length trapped by his jeans. She pressed, and Adam thrust into his own hand with a groan.

Adam had firmly refused to allow Terra to provide him with a wardrobe. Grudgingly, he had let her obtain two outfits worth of clothes so he could have something to wear while one was washed, but he only wore jeans, even sleeping with them, keeping his body covered in at least one layer of clothing at all times. Terra mentally cursed this habit now. Between the jeans and Adam’s own hand she couldn’t feel much, but his reaction to his own touch almost made up for it.

Adam whined low in his throat as Terra added even more pressure. His body bucked against hers, and she could feel his chest moving as he panted. Every thrust forward was followed by a press back, and Terra was able to adjust her pelvis so each retreat pressed against her clit. She wouldn’t come like this, but damn if it didn’t feel good.

They worked together for a number of minutes, Adam’s thrusts getting more frantic. Eventually Terra judged him desperate enough that she risked moving his hand to the button on his jeans. Adam groaned in protest, and she had to put in some real effort to pry his hand away. He seemed to come back to himself when she paused their hands above his fly, hesitating for what seemed like eternity. Slowly, he undid the button, and even more slowly eased the zipper down. Terra felt a brush of hot flesh against her hand, and she groaned into his ear. Adam immediately reacted, pulling his dick out with no further coaxing. He started to stroke up and down, fast and hard. Terra frowned slightly, feeling through her hand the force he was using. She squeezed, and instantly Adam froze, waiting. Terra shuddered, the sense of power over this indomitable force of nature dropping into her stomach and spreading waves of warmth throughout her body. She started to set a rhythm, slow and firm, and Adam followed her lead. 

He seemed unused to the pace, radiating a sense of confusion. His confusion was soon replaced by need, and he began to thrust in time with Terra’s strokes. He had been silent, but now each exhale began to be punctuated by short, bitten off groans. Terra added a twist on the upstroke, and Adam rewarded her with a hissed “Terra!” 

Terra moaned and pressed harder against him. Adam seemed to suddenly understand that she was taking as much pleasure in this as he was, and tried to turn his head to look at her, but she began to stroke him a little faster and he lost focus. Adam tried desperately to speed up her hand, but she wouldn’t let him. Even though it would have been effortless to tear her hand away and finish himself the way he wanted, Adam allowed her to continue to set the pace, her hand guiding his, slowly building him up until he curled in on himself, whining as if in pain as he came. Terra gentled him through it, moving his hand for him until he shuddered and snatched it away. She then brought her hand up to stroke circles over his heart, crooning into his ear until his breathing calmed.

As he came back to himself, she felt him tense and watched him his close his eyes and turn his face from her. Despite these actions, he brought his hand up to take hers, and squeezed it firmly. Terra squeezed back, giving him as much time as he needed.

When Adam finally began to straighten, the pressure as he pressed back against her caused a involuntary “huh!” to fly past her lips. Adam stopped, then rolled over. Terra was the one who now had difficulty making eye contact, and fixed her gaze on his collarbones. He waited. When she did nothing, he took her hand, and slowly dragged it down her chest to her crotch. As he cupped her hand against herself, Terra moaned and ground down. She heard Adam grunt, before his hand twitched uncertainly against hers. He hesitated, then leaned down to murmur into her ear. “Do it. Please. I don't…” he broke off, seeming lost. “I don't know what to do,” he admitted in a low whisper. Terra lifted her face to his, and brushed a quick kiss over his lips. “Okay,” she agreed breathlessly, then tucked her head under his chin before he could get uncomfortable. She pulled and kicked until her sleep shorts and underwear were off. 

Adam’s hand suddenly clamped onto her hip, and he groaned. Terra decided to turn, shifting until she was laying on her back with her side still pressed to Adam, her face staying turned against him. He seemed to appreciate this, grunting in approval and moving his arms to cradle her. Terra had never been an exhibitionist in her previous relationships, but something about Adam’s raw, honest reactions to her body dissolved all inhibitions. She hooked her nearer leg over Adam’s hip, opening herself up. Adam was back to making choked off noises with each breath. Terra dragged one fingertip over her slit, shivering as she felt how wet she was. She dipped her finger briefly before dragging the fluid up to her clit, pulling back the hood with her other hand and starting to rub fast, firm circles. It wasn’t going to take her long.

Adam reacted to each movement of her body and sound from her mouth as if she was a live wire lying in his arms, current bleeding into him and forcing involuntary movements from him. As her voice raised, so did his, and when she came it was to him chanting “Terra, Terra, Terra,” and pressing bruises into her skin where his hands gripped her. 

Terra panted, slowly coming down, loose and relaxed. Adam was half-hard, rutting mindlessly against her hip, but he seemed almost as dazed as she was, taking deep breaths as he pressed his face into her hair. He didn’t seem in any hurry to move, and Terra certainly wasn’t, perfectly happy to bask in the afterglow wrapped in his arms, his heartbeat pounding against her forehead as she pressed it against his chest.

Adam ate breakfast with her this time, although he didn’t speak, and before he left he paused in the door to the kitchen, gazing at her with an inscrutable expression. This time he was only gone two days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Terra using Adam's hand to reduce the tension of touch to a more manageable level for him is an actual therapeutic technique, though I doubt it's ever used in quite this way! It, among other topics I've touched on in this story, is discussed in the book "The Boy Who Was Raised As A Dog," by Dr. Bruce Perry. It is an amazing read covering a variety of psychological topics, and I highly recommend it for anyone interested in trauma psychology.


End file.
